a note in between

Today my language courses aka work 2015 started again. And honestly, I am relieved. I had a free first week of January & I got nothing, almost nothing done. And it made me miserable, on the verge of having a nervous breakdown or sinking into depressive self-loathing.

I have to admit – I need structure, I need a schedule, I need fixed appointments. This does not mean, I am not able to work on my own or to finish things on time. I wrote a whole 300 pages PhD-thesis in 3 years. The point: I had a goal. I could adjust my time according to it.

Last week I had some things to finish. Writing applications, checking updates, sending out belated christmas & New Years cards, prepare my thesis for publication, prepare the new language courses. I managed to do the first thing on this list. At the first and the last day of my free week respectively. The cards are bought, but still unwritten. The updates copied & saved but not checked. The thesis looked at with frowned brows. The preparation for my German classes: done this morning.

And here we are: as soon as I had a certain timeframe – courses from 3 to 9 pm – I managed to arrange a schedule around it. I finished my preparations. Managed to visit three libraries for reference books. Fetched a language certification for a course I did at university last year. And after coming home from work I managed to write this as well! I did not manage during once during this one completely free week. And things happened. I even prepared to write about in my head. In my notebook. In my diary. But I never sat down and did it.

Not that I got bored last week. I basically never get bored. There is always so much to read, watch or – my favourite thing – to research. But without a frame I set for myself with some unavoidable fixed appointments, I get lost in my reading, watching, especially researching & cannot seem to dig myself out of it…

So – I am back in/at (?) my freelance German language teacher self. I want to find an employment this year. Or I should rather say: occupation. I want to improve, hone my skills and acquire new ones.


Let’s get this year started. I finally figured out my problem: I need to give myself a schedule with unavoidable appointments to get things done. And I guess I do not need to fix it but to use it wisely.

Picture from Dresden/Pillnitz – December the 27th 2014


One thought on “a note in between

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